Loving Without Attachment to the Ego
This is a nice idea, certainly one encouraged by the yogic philosophy, yet we may not have an idea of what it really involves. As a therapist and yoga teacher, it has been rare to come across people who are interested in letting go of attachment to the ego. In a way, we enjoy the stories and dramas created by ego, and then other days, (when you have acted out the same patterned behavior for the millionth time), we hate it!
If you ask inside, “Do I really want to love without ego?”, and YES! comes from inside your being, (not from the head), then go for it. If it is your heart’s desire to love and experience relationship in this way, you must follow it! Otherwise, feel free to stay in ego love, watch it, and enjoy it. Practice observation of the projections of love, i.e. loving the projected mother or father, or loving the reflection of your perfect self or most hated self. There are lots of themes of ego love that can be quite dramatic, engaging, and chaotic. These games can serve as opportunities to learn a great deal about oneself. Enjoy the opportunity.
Even if one doesn’t really know how to love without attachment to ego, (like me, I’m learning as I go), if we remain committed to the intention, the heart will continue to expand and ego will continue to dissolve.
My elementary understanding of what comprises a tantric relationship is where I am committed to loving another from my Pure Heart rather than the small ego, remembering the other as the Beloved rather than as their small ego, and choosing to act with love in every moment with the other. How fantastic! And how utterly challenging.
In my explorations with sacred relationship, here’s the how tos I’ve discovered so far.
5 Tips for How to Love Fully without attachment to the Ego
- Get to know your ego, make friends with it, understand and accept its existence within you
- Commit to a consistent meditative and breath practice so your ability to witness your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with some distance increases.
- Every time you notice the ego tempting you to put up walls of fear, resistance and judgement towards another, look within yourself to see what you are not content with within your own being.
- Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Share your ego and its’ fears.
- Share love whenever you remember. With your partner, your children, your friends, a stranger, a collegue, the Existence around you….in the most subtle ways we can share love and expand the energy of the heart. With some this may be a smile, a silent prayer, with others it may be sharing attention, listening, playing, giving something, cooking, writing a letter, massaging, holding a hand, a phone call, singing, dancing, creating, whenever you remember, share your love. This consistent remembering to take action from the heart (when it’s not an obligation!), expands consciousness and diminishes unconsciousness (ego).
Experiment and enjoy!
About the Author
The Healing Power of Tai Chi and Bone Tapping
Tai Chi Chuan or any Tai Chi is a type of Kung Fu, so at some depth it’s a martial art, but it’s also more than that. It’s a healing art and a meditation in itself that can help one’s balance. It provides a tangible mind/body/spirit connection, as well as a deeper connection with one’s surroundings. It can do wonders for the ailed as well as athletes of all types. It’s also a folk dance (the only way I can fake the ability to dance is by repeating Tai Chi moves).
Tai Chi is a physical art that betters one’s well-being and it’s also a metaphysical art that provides a way to cultivate energy. Tai Chi is all about developing grounding and rooting. Since it is done standing and walking, the meditative nature of Tai Chi is highly applicable and transferable to the rest of our day as we walk and stand around others.
There are four main forms of Tai Chi: Chen, Sun, Yang, and Wu, and there are many different styles within each. No matter how different they are, each contains some of the same practices and entirely the same theories.
In Tai Chi, there is no one superior type of posturing, there are only more dedicated practitioners. The interesting thing about Tai Chi, as opposed to practically everything in the postmodern world, is as long as you keep in mind certain concepts you can’t do it wrong, you can only refine it. In this way, there is constant potential to learn more from the same movement.
In Tai Chi, a couple of movements are just variations of yoga’s warrior poses, only done with less of a deep stretch. And in the form I practice there are a couple of movements that involve brushing oneself, tapping certain body parts and even adding a moderate stomp. In Tai Chi, there is infinite variation and change is good.
Being flexible and accepting of new ways to do things and new forms to do is a big lesson. It’s said that in the long-form there is a variation of every movement possible and there is definitely a reflection of every martial art, healing and internal art.
